Why is it that clowns in the Philippines look so dirty? Underneath that white makeup you can see the poverty. No wonder some of the kids are scared of them.

This is what happens when my Facebook Fan Page reaches 1,500 likes. The kids reaction was priceless. Even as I drove away, they were jumping up and down cheering.

Yes, I know it’s quite late for me to post this, but as the cliche goes, better late than pregnant (when will that be considered hacky?). And since we’re doing a bit of low brow comedy, here’s another clip of lowbrow.

Alright, enough is enough. But let’s have one more.

Let’s have a final one.

So how was the show and the whole trip? It was amazing and a lot of fun. We had 2 nights of sold out shows, thanks to all the hard work of Umar and his peeps. When we found out about the great news, we celebrated. Well, Raffy and GB did.

The show was in the Old Parliament House which is supposedly haunted. We didn’t see or feel any ghosts. But then again, I wasn’t the one who drank beer backstage. The ghosts must’ve followed the violators (and I mean Umar and Sunny). Before the show, I sat in Lee Kwan Yew’s old seat and it felt… like any other seat. The venue itself had a very legislative feel. I felt like drafting a few laws.

old parliament house

GB Labrador

Tim Tayag

Due to the success of the show, there are already talks of doing another one with even more comedians from the Comedy Cartel.

comedy cartel flying on tiger air to singapore

Here we are on the road again. This time I am joined by GB “Noche Buenas” Labrador and Raffy “Massage” Taruc. This podcast was recorded in a mall (surprise, surprise) along Orchard Road in Singapore after we came off from the first night of our 2-night sold out shows Laff off Asia with Comedy Masala.

Thanks to the Pinay lady who served us ice cream and told us her story of how she found work in the merlion city state. Enjoy!

Comedy Cartel Podcast Episode 1

It’s finally out! The Comedy Cartel’s first road podcast is now ready for download. You’ll need iTunes or Quicktime to play this link.

Batangas Coffee Barako and Tea PODCAST

Or you can always just play the mp3 version.

Batangas Coffee Barako and Tea.mp3

Thanks to Nescafe for letting me be a part of the launch of the Dolce Gusto system. I had a lot of fun backstage with the dancers. I learned how to dougie and I learned that wearing a tan shirt will make you look fat on top of the 10 lbs that video adds.

Jay of the Brass Munkeys also learned the dougie. He also learned he should stick to being a drummer.

Time to hit the supermarket to get more capsules for my Dolce Gusto machine.

Yes, that is my 1.5 year old daughter and if you look to the left you will see the toes of her soon to be former nanny creeping in the photo. This will be her 3rd yaya to leave. Oh nothing’s wrong with my daughter Tasha. These yayas keep coming up with excuses and lies to leave for browner pastures.

First yaya left because she got pregnant by the cousin of a part-time gardener. How did that romance even happen? While the guy was cutting the grass, “Alam mo, kulang sa dilig tong damo. Ikaw, baka gusto mo na rin padilig”. Translation: You know this grass needs watering. Do you want me to shower you with my love? Yes, I added a bit in the English translation to reflect the hidden sensuality in the pick up line.

Second yaya, who we shall call Gaga because she had a poker face, left because she wants to work abroad as a caregiver. I guess she’d rather change the diapers of old men.

The last yaya is leaving because she is afraid that our little girl might hit her head and she will be blamed for the mishap. Other things she should be afraid of in her next job as a nanny are: kids throwing up after running, kids tripping, kids getting bitten by mosquitoes, kids getting rained on, kids going under the sun, kids being kids, and kids.

The lesson I learned is to ask for references during the interview. Most of the time, a sketchy nanny will have the following answers when asked for the contact info of their previous employer:

“Ay, nagiba na sila ng number” (they changed numbers)
“Nasa abroad na” (they are abroad)
“Patay na!” (they’re dead, most likely murdered)

And so the saga continues.

While waiting for the show to start, Patrick our manager, GB, and I thought of a podcast about a guy who’s engaged, a single guy, and a married guy. Guess who’s playing who. The premise is when the engaged guy gets into a dilemma, he gets advice from the single guy and the married guy. First topic would be, is “spakol” considered cheating? Anyway, I need to visit cdr king soon to look at the recording equipment to do mobile recording for the podcast. It’s time to revive the old podcast that Marlon and I created a few years back, The TT and MOO Show. Or we can get rid of the “and” but that might be too “bastos”.

Is better eyesight always a good thing? I think not.

Comedian’s Code:

1. Thou shall not steal material.
Stealing another comedian’s joke verbatim is a big no no and so is just translating a Westerner’s joke into Tagalog. It’s plagiarism no matter what you call it. There is however this thing called parallel thinking: two people may think of the same exact premise and punch line. It happens. In this case, whoever performed it first should be the one to decide who keeps it. But any self-respecting comedian will challenge himself to write more original material that shows his unique point of view.

2. Thou shall not hack (or at least try not to).
What is hack? A general definition is cliche topics or comedians who use jokes that have been done to death. They hack a premise up to get cheap laughs. Bits like, men are different from women, what if men acted like women, what if Kermit and Miss Piggy were having sex, and any forced setup that leads to an Indian accent just because Indian accents sound funny. Take note however, you can make these hack premises less hacky by making them more insightful and specific. When it comes to fashion, women are weird but men are just stupid. Having an Indian accent is hard when you’re picking up on women.

Hack material is dangerous because they usually get laughs. And after all, isn’t that the whole point of being a comedian? Yes and no. Our job is to make the audience laugh. But at what expense? It’s like saying a knock out is a knock out on Mayweather’s cheap shot at Ortiz.

Do not mistake easy material with hack. They are not always the same. So hackiness is your own judgement call. At the end of the day, it is you who has to live with yourself as a comedian.

3. Thou shall respect your fellow comedians (at least on stage).
This means giving the next comedian the proper introduction. You don’t introduce him as an asshole even if you’re just kidding and are close to the guy. Remember, the audience doesn’t know that. Ask him or her how he or she wants to be introduced. And do not heckle your fellow comic while he is performing. Help each other out aswe are a small group doing revolutionary things. Let us support each other.

4. Thou shall keep to your time limit.
When you see the signal that your time’s up, nod, wrap up, and get off stage. We don’t care if you’re killing or working up to your best joke to save your horrible set. If you go long, you are taking away from another comedian.

5. Thou shall be sober during your set.
You might think you’re funnier when you’re high, but you’re probably not. You’re on the job so please remain professional by not drinking or taking mind altering substances while performing. Now after the show’s done, we don’t care what the hell you do.

6. Thou shall keep your set clean when client asks.
We don’t care if your joke about your dick in someone else’s mouth is funny. If you’re getting paid to do a clean set for a corporate gig, do a fucking clean set! You might kill with blue material but the client might not ask you or the group back for their next event. You can be vulgar at the open mic.

7. Thou shall respect your audience.
If they’re not laughing, it’s probably your fault. You need to adjust to your crowd. They paid to see you so give them your best stuff. There are rare times when it’s really the audience, specifically mooing cow audience members. Oh, and please control your girlfriend from throwing water at the audience, even if the audience is really rude or on fire.

8. Thou shall take advantage of open mics.
Open mics are meant for trying out new material. For the veteran comedians, write new stuff and try them out. For the new open mikers, polish your first 5 minutes before you write “new” material. Take note, if you haven’t been doing this for more than a year, all your jokes are new. You don’t have “old” material to claim. You are not required to do open mic, but it will help you improve immensely.