Placebo Balance
If Dumbo had his magic feather, I have my Power Balance that has allowed me to fly. Before anything else, I did not receive any money or any type of bribery to talk about this amazing product. I paid to buy one and in fact, I would rather not share this secret with anyone because it has given me an advantage over my opponents in the sports that I engage in. But since I’m a nice guy and have a big mouth (and couldn’t think of anything to write about this week), I might as well let you guys in on it.
This Power Balance is basically a rubber band that you can wear on your wrist. It has this hologram that supposedly transmits a frequency that makes your body stronger and more balanced (sounds Ernie Baron-ish). At first, I was skeptical because I’ve been had by con artists before, like the time this witch doctor sold me a love potion, which didn’t really work (though my shih tzu keeps wanting to mate with my leg). The sales guy gave me a convincing demonstration. First he made me stand with my feet together and pulled on my arm while I tried to resist, mostly my cynicism. I lost my balance immediately. Then he did the same thing again but this time with the Power Balance in my hand. I immediately felt stronger and was able to hold my balance perfectly even as he kept pulling harder like a dirty old man begging a GRO to come home with him. Then he made me stretch my arm by pointing all the way to the back as far as I could as he marked the spot where my arm started shaking uncontrollably. Surprisingly, when I did it again with the band in my hand, I was able to stretch out farther.
There’s a big chance that this is all just placebo. But here’s the thing, I’ve been playing in an alumni basketball league with a bunch of out of shape 30-somethings and I’ve been averaging about 1.308 points per game. When I started wearing it, I got a 10,000% increase in my stats. Placebo or not, it worked. Now, I’m not hitting Kobe Bryant numbers yet, but as soon as I buy 5 more of these babies, who knows! As far as where to buy it, I’m not telling because you might be going up against my team next week.
You can find the original article I wrote for the Manila Times here:
placebo balance